she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
