Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
