YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
