I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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