Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
