Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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