After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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