I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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