so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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