i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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