drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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