I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cannot find my penis.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
