Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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