with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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