she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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