Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i permit you to call me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
