Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
