The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
