DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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