so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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