Nicole vs. Life
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
