Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
