Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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