Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
