walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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