I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
