Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize