I cockslap morals
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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