the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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