had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found your dick twin last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
