Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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