Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
