I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
COCAINE IS GR8
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
