i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
