Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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