Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
