Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
someone threw a dead crab at me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
this is an emotional support booty call
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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