You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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