I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
