don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
