were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
