I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
