nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
