It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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