but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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