I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
