tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
