her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
