He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
