I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
