so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
