My sheets look like a crime scene.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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