no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to cum in my sink.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
