I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
