I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
