dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
