around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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