I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
