Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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