I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He? As in you personified your dick?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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