I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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