look no pants
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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