I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
