Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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