just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
