I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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