Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
